I’ve Been Invited to the Mensa Society

Don’t get me wrong – being single has some major perks. Despite this fact, most people’s ultimate dating goal is marriage, followed by having kids and forming a cookie cutter family. Society’s standards, married friends, and impatient mothers are all factors to the suffocating pressure forming on all sides of a blissfully single life. I’ve seen the pitying “Oh you’re single?” looks, heard the sorrowful “You’ll find someone someday” tones, and thrown away RSVP cards because I was frustrated with the “Single” box I had to check.

What I have gathered in my unattached years is that some see singles as handicapped. To me, getting to claim yourself as your only dependent is like coming to the realization you have an above par IQ, and you’ve been invited to the Mensa society. This society is not for the weak of heart, dumb of brain, or lazy of souls. This “singles society” beams one thing that most attached and stable beings dream of: freedom.

Ah, freedom. To me, it’s one of the most eloquent words in the English language – next to Nintendo, bubble gum ice cream, and must see reality TV. This freedom is what allowed me to run the original Olympic field, ride a camel by the Egyptian pyramids, walk the streets where Jesus walked, swim with Frida the dolphin in Cabo San Lucas, hang with lumberjacks in Alaska, plastic sword fight with a paid Roman soldier in front of the ancient Colosseum, take an illegal picture of Michelangelo’s famous work, ride Donk the donkey up the side of a Greek mountain, and force a Beef Summer Sausage to drink Sangria in Barcelona.

I was able to do all this because I have been stubbornly unattached. While being correctly dubbed as rootless and temporary, I have delved into ten top reasons as to why this is my own approved lifestyle:

1. Doing whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want, however… wherever… never gets old.
2. Pushing microwave buttons to cook my meals works perfectly fine for this family of one.
3. I get my DVR all to myself. I don’t even know what channel ESPN is on. I relish in this lack of knowledge.
4. I get to spend my extra money any way I want. This is usually spent on shoes, happy hour, and lip gloss. I giggle just thinking about it.
5. I don’t have to pretend to like any hobby that includes fish, bouncy balls, or painting action figures.
6. The only arguments I have are the ones with myself about which color top looks best with my freshly bought lip gloss and shoes… on my way to happy hour.
7. I don’t have to sit through any Terminator, Fast and the Furious, Bruce Willis, or Sylvester Stallone movies.
8. I get to sleep through the whole night, every night… AND I get to sleep in on the weekends until all my sleep runs out.
9. I get to have Girls Night Out every night of the week while flirting with any man that comes within a two foot radius of me.
10. I don’t have to share my laundry with tighty whities that say “Kiss me I’m Irish.”

I regretfully stop at 10 just for the sake of space, but I believe I could have typed out a “Top 100” list in just about two more minutes. Single ladies, let’s just be honest, this grass is GREEN!

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